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TEEN SOUL POWER
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Criticism:
Loving and Hating It

There are two types of criticism.  The first is constructive criticism.  The goal of constructive criticism is to help provide feedback for us to grow and develop.  Thus, a teacher returns a paper and no matter the quality, offers suggestions on how to improve it.  Yes, constructive criticism often stings because it does present a truth, and that truth shows we are less than perfect and/or in an unflattering way.  The difference is that one knows that the deliverer of the critique is trying to be helpful, and so while there may be a sting it is recognized and accepted as having a basis in trying to help us.  Thus, we accept it as a helpful tool and it mitigates the pain to our self-image.
 
The second type of criticism is too often hurtful. This type of criticism is sometimes said to help another, but the manner and intensity of the message is harsh or disapproving.  Sometimes it is blameful, sometimes fault-finding, and too often is judgmental.  In this case if criticism comes from self-righteousness, it can be insulting and belittling. Here a person will feel disparaged and either dismiss the criticism or even feel as though he/she should defend themselves and attack back.
 
If you feel unjustly criticized, do what the experts recommend.  First, imagine how someone you admire would handle the criticism you received, and use that manner to model your own response.  Second, be sure to respond to the suggestions rather than to the tone of the criticism (remember, all useful feedback also offers positive advice and alternatives).  Third, acknowledge your feelings to yourself and do some self-care.  Criticism, even when helpful and accurate can hurt no matter how helpful, and it's important to let yourself feel.  Fourth, take a deep breath, learn something from the feedback, and carry on.  After all, you are a positive and strong person and can turn lemons into lemonade!
 
Conversely, when you are giving feedback, be sure to first, talk about the strengths and areas of improvement of the person.  Second focus on the situation or event and do not attack the person.  Third, be very specific (not saying things like "you always"… or  "you never").  Fourth, only speak to things which can be changed. Fifth, offer recommendations or advice on how to improve, and Sixth, be sure you do not make assumptions - focus on what you know, not what you think..
 
And of course criticism can and does affect self-esteem and one's identity formation.  People who are not understood and criticized often and harshly, tend to develop similar personalities themselves if they do not develop a balance in understanding, acceptance and love.
 
Remember that everyone has faults and makes mistakes, and when you look closely enough you'll find flaws in everyone and everything.  Criticism can be a very effective communication tool, or it can be one of the most critical blocks to relationships and human bonding.  It should not be a person's first or only means of communication.  Everyone needs to slow down, and think before they speak.


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These books are a complement to the TeenSoulPower website.
They can help provide inspiration and support in this journey called life.



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 Choosing Your Path of Life.  This book is simply, about enhancing your quality of life. For each phase of life you enter, the quality of your life should strengthen, not weaken. It should increase, not decrease. It should expand the positive features and attributes of your life, not shrink or contract them.
     This book is about helping everyone find the path to a better Quality of Life. We, at TeenSoulPower, want to help you to identify what makes a happy and healthy life. More importantly, we want to help you to make a fulfilling life. Most of us think we know how to do this, but the truth is that if you do not know how then your life is in free-float. It is moving ahead - but may not be making any progress, it may be aimless, drifting, with neither rhyme nor reason, with neither purpose nor goals, set adrift and vulnerable to the whims of fate.   Available at Smashwords:  $1.99.


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The Marijuana Highway:   A MUST READ for ALL Parents and Teens!  The premise of "The Marijuana Highway" is that marijuana is a powerful, toxic and addictive psychoactive drug.
     The Team at TeenSoulPower has reviewed - literally - hundreds of articles and studies on marijuana. Not one study was found that even hints that marijuana is a protective factor for positive youth development. Not one study was found that states that marijuana use supports healthy families. Not one study was found that concludes that marijuana use builds strong communities. Not one study was found that has proven that marijuana is a safe drug. In fact, overwhelmingly, the findings are exactly the opposite in all four cases. Everyone wants a happy and healthy life. Many have found, though, that the quality of life they wanted never materialized, simply because a friend said “Try this, it won’t hurt you."   Available at Smashwords:  $1.99.



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Sex and the Single Teen:  Sex has become a "distraction of life." The goal of this book is to refute the social pressures to rush into sexual relationships. It is to negate the hype and illusions of sex, and to explore and provide a rationale that strengthens resolve to wait - to wait until the time, the circumstances, the emotions, the psychology and the spiritual factors are all aligned.  It is to help you avoid the "Sex Trap."  Sex is a life choice. As with all choices it can be positive - but it can be very, very damaging.  The material is as significant and critical as any other issue or topic can possibly be.

     Available at Smashwords.   $1.99.

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Alcohol,Drugs and Teens: The purpose of this book is to help people improve the quality of their lives by avoiding one of the greatest health problems: drug abuse. Addiction is the #1 Health Problem in America, and 9-out-of-10 addicts began using alcohol or drugs before age 18. Not one teen ever said, "When I grow up I want to be an addict."  Addiction is definitely a process of morbidity, of making people sick.  It is definitely a disease.  It affects mind, body, emotion and soul. And addiction always begins with simple use. If one never smokes one does not develop addiction to nicotine. It is the act of using a substance that potentiates the addiction potential.
This book spells out the nature and problems of drugs and recommends prevention as the best medicine.

Available at Smashwords.      $1.99



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