TeenSoulPower.com
  • Home
  • Free E-Books
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
TEEN SOUL POWER
Picture

Toxic Relationships
The Good, the Bad, the Ugly


Picture
It was instant chemistry.
 
To him she was a dream prize. Popular. Smart. Attractive. A real catch.  But he was one of the "bad boys" in school.  Irresponsible.  Barely making it. Unreliable. Reputation of partying.  
 
    Still though, she found that he had a strange attraction about him.  And he gave her attention.  And he was popular with his own friends.  And he had a more "exciting" life…. or so she thought at first.
So they started dating. And at first she was happy, despite what her parents and friends said.  They seemed to get along fine. And she knew she could change him so that his little character flaws would self-correct - in time and with her help he would become more responsible..
 
Fast Forward to today.  Here is what happened:
   1) He self-corrected, became responsible and they lived happily
       ever after, (or),
   2) She threw in with his friends and became like him, with a
       low quality lifestyle, unemployed, using alcohol and drugs,
       always in debt, and a day-to-day grind and chaotic lifestyle
       not knowing  what is happening next, (or),
   3) She finally understood that attractions were neither real
       nor predictive of the future of a relationship, and they had
       certain incompatibilities that she should have foreseen and
       understood.  Others did.  They divorced in a messy and ugly
       manner leaving both people hurt and scarred for life.

 

Picture

Toxic Relationships DO Impact Upon the Quality of Life



Everyone needs friendships, and healthy friendships are one of the key elements for satisfaction and happiness in life.  Toxic relationships, though, both in friendships and relationships, are exactly the opposite.
 
 While different for everyone, for a high quality of life a person should have relationships that bring fulfillment, stability, and contentment for life satisfaction.  Quality of life really is not dependent upon one’s degree of wealth or material possessions.  It is more dependent upon the relationships a person has - at work, in the family and friendships, and the degree of intimacy and satisfaction they bring into a person’s life.  This in turn depends upon the characteristics a person has - values, actions, ways he/she treats people, much more than the prestige they have, money or power, or outward "beauty" or attractiveness.  In fact, these can be tremendously misleading characteristics for long-term friendships and relationships.
 
According to psychologist, Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People, a toxic person is "anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused." 


Picture



Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships support, encourage, inspire, and help one to improve and develop in a natural and functional manner.  Healthy relationships are not just desirable, they are essential to human growth and development - and satisfaction and fulfillment in life.  They show kindness, spontaneous warmth and affection, trust, acceptance, understanding and mutual support and encouragement. In healthy relationships, one feels safe, valued and respected.
 
In contrast to healthy relationships, are the toxic relationships. More often than not, these are emotionally abusive such as mind games and put downs, playing the blame game, instilling guilt, manipulating, or even telling jokes which are really disguised humiliation. One hallmark feature of toxic relationships is that they tend to drain people of energy and inflict pain.
 
Signs of Toxic Relationships
There are many different types of toxic relationships.  Many are easily identifiable such as outright abuse or rigid control over the family money, but others are less easily identifiable. 
 
According to “25 Ways to Tell if Your Relationship is Toxic”, (Kathy Reed O’Gorman), there are several signs to tell if one may be in such a relationship.  One sign of being in a toxic relationship is a person is put down verbally, either in private or in front of others. Another sign is if one finds oneself crying often or feeling depressed over a relationship.  Other signs include a feeling of being afraid or unsafe, afraid to speak the truth at times for fear of upsetting a partner, feeling out of control of their life, or having a lower self-esteem since they have been with that partner. 

Often you will meet a person who is manipulative, overly grandiose - always bragging or boasting about himself or herself, self-centered, or who gives false praise or flattery.  They may be people who cannot admit their faults or flaws or admit to a mistake, and they'll complain, blame or deflect onto others.  They may be habitually late or cancel appointments.  They may show little compassion for others. They tend to gossip.  They show little interest in you or others.  They constantly criticize.  They may be judgmental.  They always seem like they are angry.  They don't know boundaries. They tend to be users, not givers.

 
Toxic relationships are not always so overtly abusive.  It does not necessarily need to be outright physical or mental abuse.  Often the negativity, criticism, power and control, dependency needs or other manipulation can be subtle.  Even as such it is still real and very pervasive, and still toxic for the person in the relationship. One way to tell is if you have a feeling that you have been "violated" when engaging with this person - that they are playing games, not keeping their word, or belittles or speaks negatively about you or your friends.
 
It is important, however, that you do give people a chance.  Many times these are normal traits in a person's particular stage of growth and development.  The difference, however, is that toxic people demonstrate a "pattern" that does not change and mature.  And the cumulative effect on you may be quite severe - often without you even noticing it.  Toxic people have a pattern of these characteristics, and they can be quite strong and unyielding.

Picture
What to do if in a Toxic Relationship
The best advice is prevention, strive to avoid toxic relationships altogether.  When one first enters into a relationship, “test” for compatibility issues to see if it is a complementary relationship.  If not, it should be ended, not prolonged.
 
If one finds oneself in a toxic relationship and chooses not to leave, then entering into personal or couples counseling is a primary objective.  There are also relationship support groups available that can give support and help teach coping mechanisms.
 
Depending upon the circumstances, it may be suggested that a person  not stay in a relationship that hurts.  If this is the case, one might decide to end the relationship.  If so, seek support and assistance and make preparations and follow through.
 
In any case, if there is real physical abuse or a life threatening situation, the individual must reach out for professional assistance, make plans, and leave to find a safe haven.
 
A healthy relationship lifts and elevates but a toxic relationship - no matter how strong a person is - will bring one down. Especially in today’s world, one needs to choose wisely.



Picture

"At some point you have to realize that people can stay in your heart, but not in your life."


Picture
TeenSoulPower is free for your education and enjoyment. 
Help us to keep this valuable resource free by purchasing our e-books:

Proceeds go toward maintaining this site.


These books are a complement to the TeenSoulPower website.
They can help provide inspiration and support in this journey called life.



Picture
 Choosing Your Path of Life.  This book is simply, about enhancing your quality of life. For each phase of life you enter, the quality of your life should strengthen, not weaken. It should increase, not decrease. It should expand the positive features and attributes of your life, not shrink or contract them.
     This book is about helping everyone find the path to a better Quality of Life. We, at TeenSoulPower, want to help you to identify what makes a happy and healthy life. More importantly, we want to help you to make a fulfilling life. Most of us think we know how to do this, but the truth is that if you do not know how then your life is in free-float. It is moving ahead - but may not be making any progress, it may be aimless, drifting, with neither rhyme nor reason, with neither purpose nor goals, set adrift and vulnerable to the whims of fate.   Available at Smashwords:  $1.99.


Picture
The Marijuana Highway:   A MUST READ for ALL Parents and Teens!  The premise of "The Marijuana Highway" is that marijuana is a powerful, toxic and addictive psychoactive drug.
     The Team at TeenSoulPower has reviewed - literally - hundreds of articles and studies on marijuana. Not one study was found that even hints that marijuana is a protective factor for positive youth development. Not one study was found that states that marijuana use supports healthy families. Not one study was found that concludes that marijuana use builds strong communities. Not one study was found that has proven that marijuana is a safe drug. In fact, overwhelmingly, the findings are exactly the opposite in all four cases. Everyone wants a happy and healthy life. Many have found, though, that the quality of life they wanted never materialized, simply because a friend said “Try this, it won’t hurt you."   Available at Smashwords:  $1.99.



Picture


Sex and the Single Teen:  Sex has become a "distraction of life." The goal of this book is to refute the social pressures to rush into sexual relationships. It is to negate the hype and illusions of sex, and to explore and provide a rationale that strengthens resolve to wait - to wait until the time, the circumstances, the emotions, the psychology and the spiritual factors are all aligned.  It is to help you avoid the "Sex Trap."  Sex is a life choice. As with all choices it can be positive - but it can be very, very damaging.  The material is as significant and critical as any other issue or topic can possibly be.

     Available at Smashwords.   $1.99.

Picture

Alcohol,Drugs and Teens: The purpose of this book is to help people improve the quality of their lives by avoiding one of the greatest health problems: drug abuse. Addiction is the #1 Health Problem in America, and 9-out-of-10 addicts began using alcohol or drugs before age 18. Not one teen ever said, "When I grow up I want to be an addict."  Addiction is definitely a process of morbidity, of making people sick.  It is definitely a disease.  It affects mind, body, emotion and soul. And addiction always begins with simple use. If one never smokes one does not develop addiction to nicotine. It is the act of using a substance that potentiates the addiction potential.
This book spells out the nature and problems of drugs and recommends prevention as the best medicine.

Available at Smashwords.      $1.99



BE SURE TO ALSO VISIT OUR SISTER BLOG:
www.TeenSoulPower.net

We would Love to have you Visit Soon!!!


  • Home
  • Free E-Books